I hate love.
As a single guy Love is a crappy subject.
Things done in the name of “love” seem to be the source of so much pain.
What we call love is not love by a long shot.
Love today is just some fluffy feelings, not being able to move on from a person, or plain old lust. As soon as those things pass, so as being in love, and we leave.
I am a victim of this idealistic emotional puppy-dog fake narrative that is repeated over and over and over by our stories. One giant narrative echo chamber of fake love that makes it so meaningless when we can’t find that love.
I am 27.
Society says that I should at least be married and divorced by now. At best, I should have found my life partner by now.
These facts make me feel rejected as a person. It makes me feel like I do not have any promise since there hasn’t been someone who saw it in me and wanted me around.
I have not believed in “the one” for a while now. I see the argument for there being a person for you in God’s sovereign plan, but Paul talks about how it is better not to marry. God knows who we will marry (if at all) but does God only have one person for us? Is it possible there are a couple “suitable strangers” that we could pick from and it would still be in God’s will (saying that there's obviously people that God wouldn’t want us to marry)?
I don’t know.
I just know that this desire to love and care for someone intimately leaves me feeling lacking.
It is the companionship feels like it is missing.
Brett, in the last chapter, brings attention to this problem that the church does not stand with its single or same-sex-attracted people.
That's where I feel I am.
It is so lonely.
God’s love is all I should need and plenty of people will say that, but none of them are practicing it in the same way as a single person is.
I can love other people and even love for my enemies but a lonely life is hard to bear. When there was Adam, animals, and God, God still made a partner for Adam so that man would be complete. So sure God is all I need, but none of us actually believe that or else we’d really be celibate monks living together in community worshiping God and embracing his love. We say that “Christ is enough for me” in songs and then want all this other stuff.
All I want in life right now is to do something that brings me fulfillment and have a partner for life to worship God and be fulfilled with.
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